im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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