I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
