As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
