this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
