i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i dont even know how to be here
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
