Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
