So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
