great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
