Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
