This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
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I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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