when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
