dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
