Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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