I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
