Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize