Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
