Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
