Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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