i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My vagina is officially offended.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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