So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize