It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
