if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
