I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
