Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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