Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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