I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
