She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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