New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
