M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Drake has all the answers
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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