Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Everclear isn't food dammit
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
