Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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