Your face is a jimmy john
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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