so that wasnt chicken after all
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
