Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
