We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
