i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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