I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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