Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Drunk is not a location!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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