Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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