you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
