if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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