No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
