one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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