Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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