We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
