I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
