My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Are my feet made of real feet?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
