You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
