i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
