that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
