Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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