apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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