maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
