the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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