I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
