i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
