If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
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