READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
