if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
