I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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