im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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