At least make sure they are 18
Why
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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