I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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