last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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