I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
PS: I just woke up from my shower
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
