i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I could make wine with my vomit
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
