Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
