I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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