I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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