forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
