Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize