there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All the doctor said was why
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
