What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
