I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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