I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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