Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
