I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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