people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
